“This is the year of looking our fears square in the eye without running away. This is a moment of no escape. It’s time you step into the fire. Sit with your fears. Feel the pain. Let it pin you to the wall but not paralyze you. Let it break you open but not into pieces. Let it shake your ground but not your core.
The universe will never give us anything we are not ready to deal with. So if you’re finding yourself face to face with death and pain and fucked up, nothing-will-ever-be-the-same, gut wrenching, earth shattering loss? Congratulations. You’re ready.
We might not want them but we need awful situations to surface from time to time. This, right here? It’s how we remember what it feels to be alive. It’s how we’re pulled from the drowsiness of regular, human, “is this really all there is?” type of living and it’s how we grow. It’s how we reach our full potential. We won’t know how to love until we’ve had everything fall apart.
It’s time you stop wishing for a life where comfort and happiness and butterflies and rainbows is a permanent state because it’s a grand illusion. There is no permanent state. The ground beneath us will always shake. Sometimes there is happiness and peace and sometimes there is sadness and despair. Clinging to one side is what pains us the most because it’s the biggest deceit of all. We use hope to avoid looking at our scars and through that, we trick ourselves out of the present moment. We miss out on the feeling of being broken open by life every time we choose to numb our pain. And we’ll spend the rest of our days trying to hide it it fade it or fix it. We write and drink and stay busy and talk and work and do yoga and read books and we tell ourselves we’re healing when all we’ve done is run away. Everything can be an escape if you try hard enough.
You need this. One day, you’ll even be grateful. So remember that nothing is permanent. Let yourself fall apart and you’ll see that there is more beauty in the in between than you could have ever imagined. Yes, there is death and loss and Yes, it’s exhausting to live with this pain but NO, you will NOT give up.
It’s time to stop running. It’s time to step into the fire. “
“I’ve been thinking. And writing. And meditating. I’m beginning to understand more and more how this life works. All of last year I was wondering; “why me?” Why is it that I’ve had to endure three deaths in five months and more trauma than most people get in five years? What did I do to deserve this? What’s the point in losing the people closest to you?
All this time I’ve been asking “Why me?” but… Why not me? Why not you? Why not all of us? We live in a reality where death is an absolute certainty. Everybody dies. Why are we shying away from the life changing truth that lies in death and loss and life?
We get uncomfortable. We haven’t been taught how to deal with pain. All we know is our own conditioned story and every day we work har to polish it and make it appear perfect. But I know now, it’s not about creating a perfect reality. It’s not about finding peace in everything we do all the time. It’s not even about happiness. As long as we cling to the idea that life is supposed to be anything at all – this or that, that or this – we are going to be disappointed. We are going to get hurt. There is no planning what is ahead. Life is a grand surprise. A big adventure. And no matter how hard we try, we can’t prepare for it! We can practice yoga and we can meditate and we can work our way through past hurts and we can be kind and we can do our best to be good people. But we cannot predict what lies ahead. Think the meaning of life is being happy? Perhaps, but the meaning of life is also to be sad. The meaning of life is to FEEL. To take each moment as it comes. To let go and enjoy the ride. When joy arrives, be grateful but don’t cling to it. When pain arrives, do the same. Be grateful because it’s part of the adventure. It holds great meaning. But don’t cling to it; don’t be a martyr. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Be grateful that you are part of the magic of this life. Be grateful for your ability to feel. Open up to everything life brings you and know that nothing is permanent and that’s a wonderful thing. Sadness or joy. Happiness or pain. There is beauty in the unknown.
Just look at this mornings sunrise. How could I ever have expected it?”
Thank you, Rachel.